Its been two weeks since i first spoke to my bishop. WOW! Does NOT seem like that long! I have learned so much in the last 2 weeks, things that i knew deep in my heart but never really pondered. I am so grateful for this change in my heart and life, it is still not easy and I'm still hurting a bit. However i have learned a few things either through my personal studying or from others, i would like to share them now. First, the Lord does/will answer heart-felt prayers of all kinds. I have a short story demonstrating this.
On New Years Day i was reading in my Miracle of Forgiveness book and he spoke of eternal life. For some reason this had a uncomfortable feeling to me. The more i thought about it the more my stomach got into a knot and i felt so scared. At this point i realized that the basic concept of the church was something that scared me! I knew i had to fix this. For anyone that knows me knows i am quite determined to fix things when i set out to do so. I tried reading scriptures, thoughts and finally i prayed and asked what i could do. As i ended the prayer i felt like i should call and ask my mother. I did so and she kindly informed me i had ALWAYS had this fear. She had me imagine having my own little girl loving her with all my heart as i would. She then asked me "Now would you ever put this little girl through something that was painful, boring, and uneasy for eternity intentionally?" Of course i said no. She then said "Now, take that feeling of love you have for her and magnify it more then you can comprehend. THAT is how much your Heavenly Father loves you Tricia, now would he put you through that either?" It totally made sense. We kept talking and many things started making sense. She reminded me that we to become a God we would have to learn and grow and that was part of what was going to happen in the next life. She reminded me of a few more things and told me to just turn it over to the Lord and ask him to change that feeling for me. I did so and then kept reading. As i started reading.
President Kimball stated many of the things my mother reminded me of. It made me smile and i let go of that thought knowing in time the fear and uneasiness would go away. Well, today i had an "ah ha" moment as i was talking to a Bestie. I have had more peace, contentment, and the feeling of love in the last 2 weeks then i have in years. I now officially CRAVE the feeling i feel at church. I anxiously await Sunday, and when it comes i want to keep it forever! THAT is what eternity will be like....a life long Sunday! SIGN ME UP! WOOO HOOOO! As i kept reading that day i also realized that i had most likely been without the Holy Ghost for 4-6 years, with brief parts where i was getting him back. I remember during this time saying many of times "The Lord knows my heart." At that point i relied so much on the Lord knowing my heart and not letting my actions show to him i was worthy of exaltation. It is not enough for the Lord to know our heart, our actions will also play a major part in which kingdom we are sent to. As i read this in the book i instantly started crying, at that very moment my mighty change happened. I no longer wanted to live in sin because i never know when my time is up on this earth. The scripture about whatsoever is bound on earth is bound in heaven, and whatsoever is loosed on earth will be loosed in heaven ties so nicely into this. If we do not forsake our sins now, no matter how big or small it will be so much harder to learn and grow in the next life. It is so important to put off the natural man!
I am so grateful for Sundays because they are so inspirational. For the past few weeks i have been stressing out over things i cant control. I have forgot to let the Lord have control and just trust him. It has sent me into countless panic attack and crying fits. Today's sacrament meeting was amazing to me, it lifted my spirit and renewed my soul! We had a High Councilmen speak and usually they don't really keep my attention i will admit. But this man was what i would like to call and Mini Jeffery Holland, although they could be the same age lol. He got so passionate about his talk that many times he was VERY forceful sounding. It moved my soul so much! There were some interesting points in his talk that he shared that i would like to share with all of you.
First he encouraged us to do a weekly introspection of our life. Seeing how aligned we were with Gods plan for us. Then he shared a quote by C.S Lewis "The cross comes before the crown and tomorrow is a Monday morning!" I LOVEEEEEEEEEE that quote so much now. What an inspiration that man is! Our high councilmen then continued on in his talk and spoke of his days as a bishop when all the young women would come into his office at one point in tears about not being married. They would say that they will never get married and that they just give up hope. He said he would say to them "You don't have the luxury of giving up hope!" How true this is! And how true it should be! Later near the end of his talk he said two things that were the final things that id like to share. First, "Faith grows as your obedience grows." Finally, "Put off the natural man/woman and become a saint."
I would like to end with sharing my testimony. I know without a doubt in my mind now that this is the true church. I know that if anyone feels out of place or like they don't belong that they can feel they do but it does take lots of work. I am grateful for the plan of salvation and for my Savior Jesus Christ. I'm thankful to my Heavenly Father for giving me the ultimate gift. His son. I love this church more then anything i have loved or will ever love. I believe with my whole heart that the church should be the most important thing in our lives, and by it being so everything else will work out. Until next time, i say this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
2011?! REALLY?!
I can't believe that is already 2011, when little i use to think by now we would be like the Jetsons. Sad day that i don't have my own personal air car. As i embark on this new year, like any other year i have some goals i would like to set for myself. Not resolutions, that word seems to jinx itself. I am truly grateful for the chance i have to live in this country, to partake of its freedom. Before i share my goals with the world i would like to take a moment to thank the men and women who protect me. Thank you for sacrificing your life, family, and comfort. Thank you to the wives of the men that don't come home. Thank you to the mothers who kneel and pray for comfort when their sons and daughters come home in a box. Thank you for their families that within a second their lives change. Thank you to the families that daily watch the news to hear about their family members who protect me. Most of all please God watch over these men and women. Their lives are far harder then mine is and ever will be.
As i think about where i have been this last year of course there are some tears, discomfort, and a degree of "you knew better"'s. But because of the tears and such I am stronger, smarter, and more dependent on the two people that matters most in my life (sorry friends) my Savior and God. Now i know Ive cried wolf many times when speaking about my dedication and love to the Latter-Day Saint church. But doesn't everyone? In some way we all "cry wolf" whither it is saying " I'm going to pray more " or "I'm going to build a stronger relationship with people that matter." While all those things are truly important I have learned one thing this last week. You can set any goals in life you want. ANY! BUT most of them will never happen unless you have 2 things. A broken heart and contrite spirit.
I have heard "a broken heart and contrite spirit" so many times in life. Sadly, until recently i really haven't cared or took interest in what it meant. Let me share with you some thoughts i have had while looking at what this means. The first thing i saw when researching was basically what that means is we give our lives fully to the Lord. Sounds easy huh? I will be the first to tell you it is the hardest thing to do at first. I couldn't do it for years, until i was kinda in a situation that forced me to rely on God and my Savior. The last thing that i take out of having a broken heart and contrite spirit is service. Those that serve can't help but have a broken heart and contrite spirit. They are doing the one thing that brings us the most joy. Just as the scripture says, when you serve others you serve God. What a novel idea! You become closer to God while you serve his sons & daughters. I now have a testimony of that. One simple act.....and I'm stronger. Mind blowing.
As i end this entry i will share with you 5 goals i have for myself this year. I pray for help to keep these goals.
1. I want to read and ponder my scriptures 2 times a day.
2. I want to build a stronger, more dedicated relationship with my Savior & God.
3. I want to love and service others and be there for my friends and family better.
4. I want to blog about my week every Sunday so that at the end of the year i have a 2011 Journal.
5. I want to be just as that little 14 year old girl that was unshaken with her testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
In ending i have noticed one thing that i have decided to do different with my goals this year. Most years its lose 100 lbs, do amazing in school, blah blah blah. Sure them things are great and truly uplifting. But we are taught if we make God and Jesus first in our lives all other things will fall into place. That is what i am doing. If i gain a stronger testimony of this church this year i know i will gain the blessings i need to have everything else in life just fall into place.
Merry Christmas & Happy 2011 friends and family. May this year bless you in all you stand in need of. May you see how important it is to love others just as i have. Until next time......
As i think about where i have been this last year of course there are some tears, discomfort, and a degree of "you knew better"'s. But because of the tears and such I am stronger, smarter, and more dependent on the two people that matters most in my life (sorry friends) my Savior and God. Now i know Ive cried wolf many times when speaking about my dedication and love to the Latter-Day Saint church. But doesn't everyone? In some way we all "cry wolf" whither it is saying " I'm going to pray more " or "I'm going to build a stronger relationship with people that matter." While all those things are truly important I have learned one thing this last week. You can set any goals in life you want. ANY! BUT most of them will never happen unless you have 2 things. A broken heart and contrite spirit.
I have heard "a broken heart and contrite spirit" so many times in life. Sadly, until recently i really haven't cared or took interest in what it meant. Let me share with you some thoughts i have had while looking at what this means. The first thing i saw when researching was basically what that means is we give our lives fully to the Lord. Sounds easy huh? I will be the first to tell you it is the hardest thing to do at first. I couldn't do it for years, until i was kinda in a situation that forced me to rely on God and my Savior. The last thing that i take out of having a broken heart and contrite spirit is service. Those that serve can't help but have a broken heart and contrite spirit. They are doing the one thing that brings us the most joy. Just as the scripture says, when you serve others you serve God. What a novel idea! You become closer to God while you serve his sons & daughters. I now have a testimony of that. One simple act.....and I'm stronger. Mind blowing.
As i end this entry i will share with you 5 goals i have for myself this year. I pray for help to keep these goals.
1. I want to read and ponder my scriptures 2 times a day.
2. I want to build a stronger, more dedicated relationship with my Savior & God.
3. I want to love and service others and be there for my friends and family better.
4. I want to blog about my week every Sunday so that at the end of the year i have a 2011 Journal.
5. I want to be just as that little 14 year old girl that was unshaken with her testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
In ending i have noticed one thing that i have decided to do different with my goals this year. Most years its lose 100 lbs, do amazing in school, blah blah blah. Sure them things are great and truly uplifting. But we are taught if we make God and Jesus first in our lives all other things will fall into place. That is what i am doing. If i gain a stronger testimony of this church this year i know i will gain the blessings i need to have everything else in life just fall into place.
Merry Christmas & Happy 2011 friends and family. May this year bless you in all you stand in need of. May you see how important it is to love others just as i have. Until next time......
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Selfish Venting: Self Love, Self Esteem, & Myself
First off i want to make it clear that i know what im about to talk about is selfish. I know that it makes me look like i dont give a crap about my friends, family, so on. For those that truly know me know this isn't true. For those that dont know me and think it is, well either get to know me or get over it? Just saying. Also i want to disclose that this venting isn't attacking any one single person. It IS attacking this daily fact of wanting to just burst into tears for no reason. I apologize ahead of time if this offends. If ANYONE feels like it is attacking them personally, please come to me to discuss this. I really want no feelings being hurt. That being said, be prepared for a long entry. Oh and excuse the pity party lol, what snack did you bring to share? :)
First lets start off many many years ago now. I have an Aunt who was killed by a drunk driver before our family joined the church. My step-dad always said we were just dry Mormons, you just had to add the water. My mother was the only one married and was told she would never bare children (i have 3 other siblings, proof God is the best Dr). Well before my aunt Kay was killed she started making this baby blanket. Being my mother was the only one married you could understand the contention this brought about. My aunt had special needs, but was very loving and obviously in tune with the spirit. She still carried on like a normal teenager. School, driving, so on. I dont know the extent of that part. Anyways. Everyone questioned her about the blanket, she kept insisting my mother was going to have a child. She got the blanket half way done and was pulling out to school one morning, and as i stated was hit by a drunk driver. The car apparently flew into a field and burst into flames. The family was lost, at this time not being members and thinking they would NEVER see her again, they were lost. Well, a few weeks to a month later my mother found out she was 2 weeks pregnant with me. I always start tearing up at this part. I was known as the miracle baby, the baby that helped cure the pain that was brought about randomly.
Now, sure that is a really moving story, touching to the soul. But can you imagine the amount of pressure that puts on me? I honestly feel like i was handed this huge plate with a whole pig on it, and was told i had only an hour to eat it. I'm stuffed. This ties in nicely right now with the whole point of that story. I use to not understand who i was, why im here, and what to do in life. I'm for sure not saying i understand fully now, but the past few months things have began to get easier. I have seen that the only person placing that pig on my plate is me. I have learned that i am an amazing person that is loving, caring, and real. I have gained that self esteem, self love, and self worth i have never felt before. I know God loves me, and i KNOW he hears my pleas. But this is the part where i become selfish and frustrated. I pray others reading this can relate, feel free to help me understand any way you can.
In the last few months i have witnessed more weddings, births, relationships, and people basically..........getting exactly what i want. Selfish? Ya...i know. It breaks my heart, yet i am so happy for them at the same time. In the church these days it seems that once you hit 30 and you aren't married there is something wrong with you. That you did something wrong along the way. Now again that is just how i FEEL, not what is taught. I have held this in for so long, that i think that is why i cant fall asleep. A friend of mine said to me today. " I use to be afraid of sleep." It was like a light bulb. I am so afraid to sleep because i know that my dreams of a family will still happen. I know that my dreams of just having that one person to hold me and to hold will happen. I know that the dreams of everything i desire wont just stop. It haunts me like a evil spirit. And i am at my wits end trying to figure out how to make them stop. It is clearly nothing that is wrong with me. And if one more person tells me " In the Lords time Tricia" i swear to chocolate i am going to go animal planet on them! I get that its the Lords time, but what about what i want? What about what i feel i need? Ya he might think that its not "my" time, but i do. And i as a human being can only attend church so much, read my scriptures so much and do all them primary answers SO much, before i want to explode. Which brings me to my final point of which i pray neither of my parents read lol.
I get that we are taught happiness is in the temple, and i believe that dont get me wrong. I want that, and i wont settle for a life without that. But, what if my calling to marry isn't that easy? What if i am to be an example to someone of the church and teach them the truth. And what if along the way i DO fall in love with that person. Am i honestly supposed to keep saying, well if/when you join the church i can marry you? Something about that sounds so screwy to me. Now dont think im going to run out find some non-member and say hey your mine lets make babies! My point is, is it so bad to marry outside the church, as long as the other party understands my stance with it? IDK....this is the one single part of the church i fight with. I have had chances to possibly marry, but i walked away because they weren't LDS and weren't going to join.......now i question that.
First lets start off many many years ago now. I have an Aunt who was killed by a drunk driver before our family joined the church. My step-dad always said we were just dry Mormons, you just had to add the water. My mother was the only one married and was told she would never bare children (i have 3 other siblings, proof God is the best Dr). Well before my aunt Kay was killed she started making this baby blanket. Being my mother was the only one married you could understand the contention this brought about. My aunt had special needs, but was very loving and obviously in tune with the spirit. She still carried on like a normal teenager. School, driving, so on. I dont know the extent of that part. Anyways. Everyone questioned her about the blanket, she kept insisting my mother was going to have a child. She got the blanket half way done and was pulling out to school one morning, and as i stated was hit by a drunk driver. The car apparently flew into a field and burst into flames. The family was lost, at this time not being members and thinking they would NEVER see her again, they were lost. Well, a few weeks to a month later my mother found out she was 2 weeks pregnant with me. I always start tearing up at this part. I was known as the miracle baby, the baby that helped cure the pain that was brought about randomly.
Now, sure that is a really moving story, touching to the soul. But can you imagine the amount of pressure that puts on me? I honestly feel like i was handed this huge plate with a whole pig on it, and was told i had only an hour to eat it. I'm stuffed. This ties in nicely right now with the whole point of that story. I use to not understand who i was, why im here, and what to do in life. I'm for sure not saying i understand fully now, but the past few months things have began to get easier. I have seen that the only person placing that pig on my plate is me. I have learned that i am an amazing person that is loving, caring, and real. I have gained that self esteem, self love, and self worth i have never felt before. I know God loves me, and i KNOW he hears my pleas. But this is the part where i become selfish and frustrated. I pray others reading this can relate, feel free to help me understand any way you can.
In the last few months i have witnessed more weddings, births, relationships, and people basically..........getting exactly what i want. Selfish? Ya...i know. It breaks my heart, yet i am so happy for them at the same time. In the church these days it seems that once you hit 30 and you aren't married there is something wrong with you. That you did something wrong along the way. Now again that is just how i FEEL, not what is taught. I have held this in for so long, that i think that is why i cant fall asleep. A friend of mine said to me today. " I use to be afraid of sleep." It was like a light bulb. I am so afraid to sleep because i know that my dreams of a family will still happen. I know that my dreams of just having that one person to hold me and to hold will happen. I know that the dreams of everything i desire wont just stop. It haunts me like a evil spirit. And i am at my wits end trying to figure out how to make them stop. It is clearly nothing that is wrong with me. And if one more person tells me " In the Lords time Tricia" i swear to chocolate i am going to go animal planet on them! I get that its the Lords time, but what about what i want? What about what i feel i need? Ya he might think that its not "my" time, but i do. And i as a human being can only attend church so much, read my scriptures so much and do all them primary answers SO much, before i want to explode. Which brings me to my final point of which i pray neither of my parents read lol.
I get that we are taught happiness is in the temple, and i believe that dont get me wrong. I want that, and i wont settle for a life without that. But, what if my calling to marry isn't that easy? What if i am to be an example to someone of the church and teach them the truth. And what if along the way i DO fall in love with that person. Am i honestly supposed to keep saying, well if/when you join the church i can marry you? Something about that sounds so screwy to me. Now dont think im going to run out find some non-member and say hey your mine lets make babies! My point is, is it so bad to marry outside the church, as long as the other party understands my stance with it? IDK....this is the one single part of the church i fight with. I have had chances to possibly marry, but i walked away because they weren't LDS and weren't going to join.......now i question that.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Facts Vs Fiction Part 2
What an eventful evening! I have never cried so much, never smiled so much, never felt so much support. Thank you to everyone that was there including my Cousin Chris who made my mind rest, my heart full, and my brain ready to go again!
I have decided NOT to post anything more on this topic against my dear loving Boyd K Packer. I have decided there is no reason for it. What it comes down to is 2 things. Love & Acceptance of PEOPLE. I will talk about both of these briefly and then put this topic to rest.
For just a few hours i felt attacked, unloved, alone, and unhappy. Some of the people i thought the world of were throwing punches at me for different reasons. I was told i was going to hell because i supported Gay Rights. I was told I was insensitive because i believed in and supported and sustained Boyd K Packer. In a way you could say i was bullied correct? I was bullied by the people that were complaining they were bullied by Elder Packer. These people were taking jabs at him saying that he was probably harassed for his last name and hates gays now, saying that he probably overcame being gay. Seriously? Were you NOT just complaining about how what he said could cause bullying and yet you did it to him? Hypocritical? Hell (pardon my french), I am doing the same thing right now! Point is im doing it to prove a point. What good does fighting about something we know will NEVER change on either end do? (I will get to this later) We must love. "Turn the other cheek". Love thy neighbor as thyself. No one said that Mormons had to agree with Same sex marriage or Gay rights. No one said the Gay & Lesbian Community should agree with what the LDS church believes. But believing in God or not, loving each other IS the answer.
Accepting and loving each other go hand in hand. I dont agree with people that smoke, yet i dont walk around taking their cigarettes and burning them against their foreheads yelling "CANCER STICK" (even though times it IS tempting!). This will bring me to the final point. We need to accept one another. The LDS church is NOT going to change its stance on Gay Marriage or Rights. The Gay and Lesbian Community is not going to just disappear. So at some point, we are either going to have to get along and accept and love each other as PEOPLE. Or we can keep seeing what happened to these beautiful 3 young men happen over and over. I vote to love and accept each other.
How do you vote?
I have decided NOT to post anything more on this topic against my dear loving Boyd K Packer. I have decided there is no reason for it. What it comes down to is 2 things. Love & Acceptance of PEOPLE. I will talk about both of these briefly and then put this topic to rest.
For just a few hours i felt attacked, unloved, alone, and unhappy. Some of the people i thought the world of were throwing punches at me for different reasons. I was told i was going to hell because i supported Gay Rights. I was told I was insensitive because i believed in and supported and sustained Boyd K Packer. In a way you could say i was bullied correct? I was bullied by the people that were complaining they were bullied by Elder Packer. These people were taking jabs at him saying that he was probably harassed for his last name and hates gays now, saying that he probably overcame being gay. Seriously? Were you NOT just complaining about how what he said could cause bullying and yet you did it to him? Hypocritical? Hell (pardon my french), I am doing the same thing right now! Point is im doing it to prove a point. What good does fighting about something we know will NEVER change on either end do? (I will get to this later) We must love. "Turn the other cheek". Love thy neighbor as thyself. No one said that Mormons had to agree with Same sex marriage or Gay rights. No one said the Gay & Lesbian Community should agree with what the LDS church believes. But believing in God or not, loving each other IS the answer.
Accepting and loving each other go hand in hand. I dont agree with people that smoke, yet i dont walk around taking their cigarettes and burning them against their foreheads yelling "CANCER STICK" (even though times it IS tempting!). This will bring me to the final point. We need to accept one another. The LDS church is NOT going to change its stance on Gay Marriage or Rights. The Gay and Lesbian Community is not going to just disappear. So at some point, we are either going to have to get along and accept and love each other as PEOPLE. Or we can keep seeing what happened to these beautiful 3 young men happen over and over. I vote to love and accept each other.
How do you vote?
Monday, October 4, 2010
Facts Vs Fiction.
For the last 30 min i have been almost in tears about this, and finally decided it was time to do what i do best. Let it out. First of all let me say I will be doing another blog when i have the full information in front of me. And i will be posting links where to get the info.
It has come to my attention that there are those people i know that seem to think the LDS church is apparently insensitive among other things. There is word of a talk by the President of the 12 Elder Boyd K Packer, making some comments that have angered the Gay & Lesbian Community. First and foremost i will say this. Do not tell me what he said SHOW me. After listening to what he said and getting halfway and getting more frustrated that people even of my religion would say he was insensitive and unloving i couldn't finish listening. Once i am able to read the words he said is when i will be doing another blog. But let me reassure you, if you dont like what im saying here, you might not want to read that one.
I am in a crying shaking fit. This man i have shook hands with, i have seen the LOVE in his eyes. I have felt the love in his voice. For someone on a site to say the following statement shakes me to my core.
“When a faith leader tells gay people that they are a mistake because God would never have made them that way and they don’t deserve love, it sends a very powerful message that violence and/or discrimination against LGBT people is acceptable. It also emotionally devastates those who are LGBT or may be struggling with their sexual orientation or gender identify. His words were not only inaccurate, they were also dangerous.” ( italic part used by me )
First off, he didn't say that. Of all things i would remember it would be that! And the next person that tells me he implied it might just get on that last nerve. EVERYONE EVERDAY IMPLIES! Unless someone in my religion comes right out and says this word for word, then whatever word he uses will be taken differently by everyone. At that point i will then stop defending the religion i know is true now more then ever. I have had many moments in the last year or so that prove to me it is. I understand that because the LDS church doesn't support Gay rights & Marriage that we will always be looked down upon by these groups. The same happened for any organization that looks down upon something. I am fine with those that think this about me and or my religion. But what i am not fine with is accusing someone i sustain and support with my whole heart of something he never SAID. I am deeply sorry if this offends anyone. TO BE CONTUIUED
It has come to my attention that there are those people i know that seem to think the LDS church is apparently insensitive among other things. There is word of a talk by the President of the 12 Elder Boyd K Packer, making some comments that have angered the Gay & Lesbian Community. First and foremost i will say this. Do not tell me what he said SHOW me. After listening to what he said and getting halfway and getting more frustrated that people even of my religion would say he was insensitive and unloving i couldn't finish listening. Once i am able to read the words he said is when i will be doing another blog. But let me reassure you, if you dont like what im saying here, you might not want to read that one.
I am in a crying shaking fit. This man i have shook hands with, i have seen the LOVE in his eyes. I have felt the love in his voice. For someone on a site to say the following statement shakes me to my core.
“When a faith leader tells gay people that they are a mistake because God would never have made them that way and they don’t deserve love, it sends a very powerful message that violence and/or discrimination against LGBT people is acceptable. It also emotionally devastates those who are LGBT or may be struggling with their sexual orientation or gender identify. His words were not only inaccurate, they were also dangerous.” ( italic part used by me )
First off, he didn't say that. Of all things i would remember it would be that! And the next person that tells me he implied it might just get on that last nerve. EVERYONE EVERDAY IMPLIES! Unless someone in my religion comes right out and says this word for word, then whatever word he uses will be taken differently by everyone. At that point i will then stop defending the religion i know is true now more then ever. I have had many moments in the last year or so that prove to me it is. I understand that because the LDS church doesn't support Gay rights & Marriage that we will always be looked down upon by these groups. The same happened for any organization that looks down upon something. I am fine with those that think this about me and or my religion. But what i am not fine with is accusing someone i sustain and support with my whole heart of something he never SAID. I am deeply sorry if this offends anyone. TO BE CONTUIUED
Friday, October 1, 2010
Bulling of all kinds breaks my heart.
I have sat and remained quiet about this long enough. I had the choice today to verbally attack someone or do a blog. I choose the blog lol.
It has come to my attention that bulling in America is growing. In its many forms it is becoming as Ellen said " a crisis ". Furthermore, the one we hear about most is gay & lesbian bulling. I do not plan to spend to much time on this aspect alone, but i will confront it a bit. First and foremost, it has GOT to stop. There are kids as young as 12 years old committing suicide because they are bullied so bad. This does NOT make them EMO like someone today has stated, it makes them human. These poor kids are slowly dying so much inside that they lose the motivation to keep going. They are hiding who they are because they are so afraid to interrupt their "perfect" family life that day by day they slowly get weaker. At what point did we as Americans become so cold hearted? Did i miss the transformation? It is appaling that people honestly dont care about this. Or if they do they are so ashamed what their friends will think of them if they make a stand. Well, I am not. IF i lose friends over this posting so be it. " Be who you are, those that matter dont mind. Those that mind dont matter"
First off here is a little background. I grew up in Michigan in a small town where i was one of the few Mormon kids. From 6th-8th grade i was abused verbally and physically by kids at my school daily. Why? Well it shouldn't be a shock to any of my friends im overweight, not like i can hide it lol. I was called fatso, cow, and many other absurd things. I was told i was a lesbian because i tried so hard to get all the girls to be my friend. I was pushed down flights of stares, cornered and poked and kicked. Most of all i ate alone at lunch daily. I had no friends. This went through to High School. Luckily it kinda tapered off a Lil bit. But not enough that it stopped. I was still called fat, ugly, and other things. Now why do i share this? Because i can relate to these kids. Wither they are being bullied cuz they are gay or straight, white or black, nerd or jock it must stop. We cant as Americans sit back and let it happen. We must band together and make a stand. How you ask?
A few months ago it was brought to my attention that i made a lot of gay jokes, i had heard these jokes from people that were gay. I figured it did no harm until recently. I am was a bully, sure i wasnt saying them jokes to hurt anyone but i still laughed. As i look back it saddens me that i was exactly what i am complaining about at one time. I didnt accept people that were gay or nerds, or anything all the time. In fact at one time the Gay environment made me REALLY uncomfortable. I didnt like that it did, so i did the one thing that would change that. I educated myself about it. Now i am open minded to it. I can be around them, i can love them, and i WILL defend them. Being gay or lesbian is not a disease it is a lifestyle just like being Mormon, Catholic, or a Sport freak. These people feel just as strongly about what they believe in as any of those others do. But yet, do we see people getting killed anymore because they are Mormon or Catholic? No. Because we have accepted that it wont change them. As we need to do with the Gay and Lesbian community.
In ending, im not asking anyone that reads this to all of a sudden be for Gay rights. Im not asking everyone to lobby up and go hit the pavement. Im simply asking everyone to watch what you say, you might be that person that thinks their words are harmless. However you also might be that persons final blow. Just think about it.
It has come to my attention that bulling in America is growing. In its many forms it is becoming as Ellen said " a crisis ". Furthermore, the one we hear about most is gay & lesbian bulling. I do not plan to spend to much time on this aspect alone, but i will confront it a bit. First and foremost, it has GOT to stop. There are kids as young as 12 years old committing suicide because they are bullied so bad. This does NOT make them EMO like someone today has stated, it makes them human. These poor kids are slowly dying so much inside that they lose the motivation to keep going. They are hiding who they are because they are so afraid to interrupt their "perfect" family life that day by day they slowly get weaker. At what point did we as Americans become so cold hearted? Did i miss the transformation? It is appaling that people honestly dont care about this. Or if they do they are so ashamed what their friends will think of them if they make a stand. Well, I am not. IF i lose friends over this posting so be it. " Be who you are, those that matter dont mind. Those that mind dont matter"
First off here is a little background. I grew up in Michigan in a small town where i was one of the few Mormon kids. From 6th-8th grade i was abused verbally and physically by kids at my school daily. Why? Well it shouldn't be a shock to any of my friends im overweight, not like i can hide it lol. I was called fatso, cow, and many other absurd things. I was told i was a lesbian because i tried so hard to get all the girls to be my friend. I was pushed down flights of stares, cornered and poked and kicked. Most of all i ate alone at lunch daily. I had no friends. This went through to High School. Luckily it kinda tapered off a Lil bit. But not enough that it stopped. I was still called fat, ugly, and other things. Now why do i share this? Because i can relate to these kids. Wither they are being bullied cuz they are gay or straight, white or black, nerd or jock it must stop. We cant as Americans sit back and let it happen. We must band together and make a stand. How you ask?
A few months ago it was brought to my attention that i made a lot of gay jokes, i had heard these jokes from people that were gay. I figured it did no harm until recently. I am was a bully, sure i wasnt saying them jokes to hurt anyone but i still laughed. As i look back it saddens me that i was exactly what i am complaining about at one time. I didnt accept people that were gay or nerds, or anything all the time. In fact at one time the Gay environment made me REALLY uncomfortable. I didnt like that it did, so i did the one thing that would change that. I educated myself about it. Now i am open minded to it. I can be around them, i can love them, and i WILL defend them. Being gay or lesbian is not a disease it is a lifestyle just like being Mormon, Catholic, or a Sport freak. These people feel just as strongly about what they believe in as any of those others do. But yet, do we see people getting killed anymore because they are Mormon or Catholic? No. Because we have accepted that it wont change them. As we need to do with the Gay and Lesbian community.
In ending, im not asking anyone that reads this to all of a sudden be for Gay rights. Im not asking everyone to lobby up and go hit the pavement. Im simply asking everyone to watch what you say, you might be that person that thinks their words are harmless. However you also might be that persons final blow. Just think about it.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Feb 2010 Update
Once a month is all im going to be able to do for a while. You will see why as you read this blog!
First and foremost, yes i am alive, i am well. Ok well right now im sick from the lame utah dirty air. BUT, im functioning. I have been busy as a bee, Taking 14 credit hours for me is like taking 20 for the normal person. I am learning a lot, writing a lot, and whining a lot lol. Basically school life is insane but informative, and has taught me a lot already. Im adoring my Marriage and family relation class. My teacher is super insightful, and allows us to create our own opinions of life, thus helping us see weakness that we may have that would effect a marriage. It also allows me to see what a great person i am. Despite what my ex's might say, or other people that truly dont know me, or are just as messed up in the head lol. I have been working on a lot of things in my life recently. Mainly, my church dedication. Im so grateful for a loving father in heaven who understands my heart, and blesses me in ways he sees fit. Im receiving blessings i asked for months if not years ago. And i brings tears to my eyes how that works.
I also have been spending some time looking for a better job. As of now Best Buy is doing my drug testing, and background check. I hope to hear from them soon. Its nine dollars a hour, with 15 hours a week at least. Im hoping to get more. The best part of this is that i wont have to take 2 bus's just to get to work. One bus, and tracks. Not bad at all! Im excited. I also applied with Convergous to do their census work for 3 months. 14 a hour......that will start after school is out so im hoping to pick that up full time and do best buy part time, and make some decent money to toss into savings.
My friend Nicole and I are planning a trip to england in 2011. Im SOOOOOOOOO excited. I havent traveled ever really. I have a feeling after this trip i will have a travel bug!
Well that is all that is really going on. Ok not all, but all that i am going to mention so i dont taboo anything ;)
First and foremost, yes i am alive, i am well. Ok well right now im sick from the lame utah dirty air. BUT, im functioning. I have been busy as a bee, Taking 14 credit hours for me is like taking 20 for the normal person. I am learning a lot, writing a lot, and whining a lot lol. Basically school life is insane but informative, and has taught me a lot already. Im adoring my Marriage and family relation class. My teacher is super insightful, and allows us to create our own opinions of life, thus helping us see weakness that we may have that would effect a marriage. It also allows me to see what a great person i am. Despite what my ex's might say, or other people that truly dont know me, or are just as messed up in the head lol. I have been working on a lot of things in my life recently. Mainly, my church dedication. Im so grateful for a loving father in heaven who understands my heart, and blesses me in ways he sees fit. Im receiving blessings i asked for months if not years ago. And i brings tears to my eyes how that works.
I also have been spending some time looking for a better job. As of now Best Buy is doing my drug testing, and background check. I hope to hear from them soon. Its nine dollars a hour, with 15 hours a week at least. Im hoping to get more. The best part of this is that i wont have to take 2 bus's just to get to work. One bus, and tracks. Not bad at all! Im excited. I also applied with Convergous to do their census work for 3 months. 14 a hour......that will start after school is out so im hoping to pick that up full time and do best buy part time, and make some decent money to toss into savings.
My friend Nicole and I are planning a trip to england in 2011. Im SOOOOOOOOO excited. I havent traveled ever really. I have a feeling after this trip i will have a travel bug!
Well that is all that is really going on. Ok not all, but all that i am going to mention so i dont taboo anything ;)
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