As many of you know, my life has been in and out of the church for years now. I never really could stay, but i never really could leave. Off and on i would have these random transforming moments where i felt so close to my heavenly father. So close to the woman he created. So close to where i want to be in my life. And then life would go on, and i would again sin and transgress and id feel lost. But before to long id always be back.
Recently, i was blessed with the chance to get my heart back and closure to my last relationship. I ended things for good on positive terms with Steve. But i wasn't feeling complete yet, i wasn't feeling like everything was "good". It really confused me. And i knew it was pretty much cuz i was living life without my source of true happiness. I was moving, but without a destination. I really had no idea what to do to change this other then the 3 standard things in the church.
Today i was given the chance to attend the open house for the Draper Utah Temple. Many years ago i was sealed to my family in the Chicago temple. So i figured it wouldn't really hit home for me. I had been in the Sealing room before. What i didnt expect was the Celestial room......nor did i expect to remember the peace, happiness, and every other darn emotion i felt YEARS ago. But it happened.
As i entered the Celestial room.....I was SO overcome with peace, understanding, and knowledge of my maker, and his true and faithful love in me. I really thought id feel out of place. That the temple might combust or something cuz of my presence lol. But it didn't (good thing huh?). And i felt different. The only way i can describe it...is that feeling you feel when you have been away from home for so long......that when you enter the home....life just makes sense. Something in me felt complete again. I felt more complete then i have in years.
Many of you will be shocked with the following info.....but i hope you all know i mean it.
I KNOW now....more then ever, that this church IS true. It IS happiness. It is the only saving grace we have in this crazy sometimes depressing world. I love my family sooooooo much, and I'm SO grateful that i get them for forever. I love my friends. I love my roommate. I love my Savior, because without him.....i would be lost. Without him, i wouldn't know true love. I'm so grateful for the plan of happiness, that is SO cut and dry for us. I'm eternally thankful for the process of repentance. I cant even describe how happy i feel knowing that the feeling i felt tonight can be with me EVERY day. That no matter if I'm scared of my bishop (i am) or not. That he is my judge in Israel, and i need to trust him and sustain him. That includes letting him make me whole again. ( is this where i say amen?, is that allowed on blogging?) lol
I'm thankful for my Bestie #1 (Ash that's you) for the countless hours spent listening to me cry and whine and everything else about how i wasn't happy. I'm thankful for her non-judging honest friendship. I'm thankful she is my other half of the brain, my sista from a different mista. I'm thankful for her faith, love, dedication, and understanding she has shown me. You are SO strong girl, i hope you know that. I hope you know what a example you are to me. I loveth you more then i can even express.
Im thankful for my roommate Bek. Man if there is any girl in the world that I'm 100% different from its her. But yet i think of her as my sister. You give me hope hun, you make me feel like life is good. Thanks for ALL you do.
I'm thankful for my Bestie #2 (this is you J) for having faith in me, trusting me, loving me, and listening. You are stronger then you think, hotter then you know, and sweeter then you lead us to believe. lol. I loveth you so much!
I love this church, i love the spirit, i love my Savior, i love my friends, i love my family, i love myself. And THAT in and of itself is truly a maricle!
P.s. here are some pictures from the temple.