Monday, October 24, 2011


I have decided to retire this blog. It will remain open till i can go and print off the entries. If you would like to follow my new one let me know. It will be private and you will have to get approved.

Best Wishes

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Strength, Faith, Fear.

Dear World,

Please do not mistake my strength for fear and vice versa. There is a drastic difference between the two. I will explain this to you now. Fear is something that we allow ourselves to hang onto. It is something that we know is there and can feel it eating away our happiness, positivity, and sanity. Fear is something that when one gets comfortable with life they just let happen. It is something that many people use as an excuse. "This wont work because im so afraid of getting hurt", "I cant do this im to afraid" and the worst "Im so afraid of being alone." Fear is a bad 4 letter f word that so many use in their lives that the 5 letter F word can sometimes seem impossible. Faith. Faith trumps fear, it allows you to feel positive, happy, and keeps you sane. It is not something that can be forced upon you. It is something you have to allow in. You have to choose to feel it.

Faith is the icing on the cake called Strength. Strength is confused with fear all of the time. People say that the people who are afraid of some things are just to strong. This is not so. More often than not, Strength comes from having faith that things will be ok. When someone is afraid they usually are not being strong. They are letting things in that shouldnt be there. However, sometimes being afraid can lead to being strong.

In, conclusion it would be much easier on us dear world, if you would stop plastering the media with people who are afraid of things like commitment, love, and happiness that have this big MOMENT and end up with all 3. It causes men to just remind women like me that Hollywood is screwing up our lives! :)

Love, Me

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

A heartfelt thank you....

Within the last 2 months I have heard from more than one of my guy friends something like this..."Well i'm not getting younger, its time to start a family so i just decided to commit. She gets me. Its just hard for me to fall in love." This actually is starting to scare me. How many men out there honestly feel this is smart? How many think that a few years down the road when there are little lives involved that this will be easy for them? How many TRULY feel good about committing to someone in a marriage when you are not IN LOVE with them? This makes me sick to think men truly do this! And it sure as heck makes me more guarded now.

For all you men in my life that are REAL, HONEST, TRUSTWORTHY, LOVING, and KIND. Thank You. Many of you that are now my really good friends were once a crush, or a person i was dating. I am grateful for you men that were honest with me from the VERY start of our relationship that you didn't see yourself getting married, having kids, so on. It allowed me to trust you very early in the game. And that means that when im having a hard time it is you that will be the advice i take from. Not the men that are "doing what they should". To those men, you are idiots if you honestly think that down the road she wont figure it out. Women IF they use their minds more than heart are smart enough to tell when a man loves them or not. They are smart enough to tell when a man just "needs time" or when they are just going through the steps the world sees fit to call steps. And when that happens, i pray to heaven that you have not shared your seed and created life. That poor child deserves a 2 parent home of LOVE.

To all the women in the world who are honestly wondering "Does he love me?", ask him. And then ask him why he loves you. IF you don't feel like the answers are heartfelt or worth the possible pain that its a game for him then leave his butt now before you get hurt more. You deserve to be respected and loved. And if he cant do that, than HE is not worth your time.

Also, for all you man "friends" who keep insisting that if a man likes you he will ALWAYS make a move, bugger off. Just so you know not all men are game players, some truly truly are just not prepared to enter a commitment like marriage as fast as those that "feel its time".

That is all.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

The Move & More

Take a trip with me back to July of this year. I was sitting in the exhausting sun of our firework booth for work. I received a phone call from my family tossing out the idea of me moving down to Cedar City. At first i thought this was a joke. Did they not realize how my life was basically in SLC now? Did they not see what a huge and painful thing this would be for me to do? It came to my attention they were 100% serious. And at first i just shrugged it off and went on with my life. As the days went by there were things that just kept pointing to Cedar City. Things that i knew without a doubt weren't happening just by chance. So i did the unthinkable. I prayed about the move. I tried so hard to cloud my judgement and make it into a no. But the heavens had something else in mind for me. That next week was the week i learned how powerful prayer really was. I figured if i avoided asking and praying again i wouldn't get an answer. HA! What a joke! Instead i was "stalked" with the answer of yes. Finally after talking to some friends and my roommate about it, i saw the benefits. And they CLEARLY outweighed the cons. Sadly, i knew i was going to have to be strong, and keep my chin up. I knew this was going to be one of the hardest moves of my life. And boy was I right.

Once i decided to move things fell into place. I applied for a job at the start of OCT and got a call two days later that basically told me i had the job. Once that was set it was like Satan knew what joy my future would bring me by making this move. And he tried it all. There were a couple times where i just about quit. And the last 2 weeks were the worst. Thankfully with the help of friends i made it through and the issues were resolved. Day by day it became time to move. The morning of was no exception to the drama. I was walking down the stairs to get some things from the garage and slipped on a stair and re-hurt my ankle. Just enough to be totally 100% useless in loading and unloading. Then my family that came and got me ran into traffic and the u haul took longer to hook up here in Cedar then expected. I of course was freaking out because they didn't call to tell me they would be later. Finally the moment arrived of saying my goodbyes. My heart was being torn out. The night before i had to say a fast goodbye to my BMFF Gabe. So having to do it a second day was not pleasing to me. But i focused on the ending. Coming back to SLC, coming home.

As we drove that horribly boring drive i could feel parts of me slowly coming back. What i didn't know is countless people were praying for my peace of mind. Just another reason i'm so blessed with amazing friends. I cried a couple times. But the real tears happened when we pulled in to the apartment. Reality hit. This was my home for a couple years. Thankfully my Aunt got out of the car, locked it, and let me have my cry before we unpacked. Slowly its getting easier to function. But the drama is sure not stopping.

I realized something when i woke up from a horrible dream. My attitude about it being so bad is just fueling Satan's fire. It is giving him the power to control me. Sure this might not be my ideal life, but it is going to give me the chance to make my life better. He has encouraged me to be miserable just like he is. And he had me that way for days. I love my family, and i miss my friends. Those two facts can share the same brain without causing a waterfall of tears and guilt. So, here's to choking back the pain and getting over it!

Wish me luck!