Friday, April 3, 2009

Its a road less traveled for sure!

Life was so much easier when i was 18. My biggest worry was what boy in school i was going to crush on. Now, life is just so much more advanced. So much more complex, confusing, in depth, liberal, and all together annoying sometimes. In the last month i have had to re-evaluate my life. What do i want? Where am i going? What kinda people do i want to take with me? How close am i to my savior? Do i better who i am everyday? Am i the only saint who seems to yo-yo with what i want? Why do i always fall head over feet for the men that are just not "into" me? Why is it so terribly hard for me to find someone to love and that loves me; but people who don't want love have a pile of applications? All of these questions have influenced my mind more then once lately. I wish i had the answers, but i wonder if anyone really does.

Its not that I'm ready to get a ring on my finger, but I'm ready to date decent men. I'm ready to show the world who i am! In light of conference weekend, i have decided to be selfish, and beg and plead with my Heavenly Father for the answers to questions that baffle my mind. I do have faith it can be answered. I know he will answer. But I'm terrified of what the answers might be. I do know where i want to be. I do see the things in my past that are STILL holding me back. I ask myself why i let them. Is it because I'm afraid of who i could be without them? Am i truly afraid of my own strength?

All i know is this. The first 2 weeks of my "change" were so different. I was so happy. I know it was because i was reading my scriptures. I was praying. I was doing things to be closer to my Savior. Why is it that we as humans crave for that feeling. That peace. But when we find it, we run away. I'm starting to believe that it is true that as human beings we truly are afraid of what we can become, not what we are. This quote is one that i have loved for years. It always seems to be there when i need it. I will end this blog entry with this quote. Think about it. ;)

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

*Our Deepest Fear: by Marianne Williamson
from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracle*
(This quote is often found on the Internet incorrectly credited to Nelson Mandela from his Inauguration Speech, 1994, especially the last sentence of that quote, “As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”)

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Read Along With TK!

Sorry lack of posting late at night lol. Since i have started this latest endeavor I'm continually amazed with how the Lord is working with me. I have yet to mark at least a verse in each section of the Doctrine And Covenants. And now I'm on section 10. The Lord truly does answer prayers, gives blessings, and supports us in the things we stand in need of. He builds our faith by the small simple things in life. I'm so grateful for this transformation in my life. I'm so grateful for the peace and understanding of who i am that it has brought me. I see myself getting stronger and stronger daily. What was once something i never did cuz i felt i "had" to, now is something i long for in the morning and before bed. I have no nightmares since i have been reading and praying at night. And i have been less stressed before bed.

I did a experiment last night. I didn't read before bed, but i did do some highlighting while i watched a movie with my roommate. I tossed and turned for hours. I didn't end up finally getting tired enough to sleep till about 4 am. Last night was the only night since i have done this change that that has happened. Usually i'm out by 2 at the latest. I bare witness that the scriptures and prayer are very importatnt to our happiness and health. I thank my Lord and Savior for this amazing revelation. Without it, im sure my life would not be the same.

Friday, March 6, 2009

March Ward Board

For those that have read blogs before this you know i recived a calling. And it is in communications, i decorate the ward board. Here are pictures for the layout of this months theme.

Read Along With TK!

I have noticed that many of my freinds might be a lil like me. Its hard to feel like you are doing something all alone. Thus, i have come up with a idea.

A Read-Along. We read the same area of scripture. Then we discuss it. I can add you to a MSN conversation. And we can go hog wild. If your in, just leave a comment. And then we can set up a time which might work best.

For tonight i decided to start raading D&C. Before i read i prayed that i would find something that i could apply to my life. Something that i could learn from and grow from. It amazed me that the first 3 sections of the Doctorine And Covidents are stronly about repentance, and how we should turn to God. And how we should fear God more then man. I love simple answers to prayers like this. It helps make my faith in this church grow stronger!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Here we go again!

As many of you know i have been semi-active in church for years now. I go and come, come and go. I never seemed to get my feet totally wet with the gospel. I was good at giving others advice, but couldn't give myself any. This last Sunday i had a VERY moving moment. It seemed to make this change i have made in my life so much easier to handle.

On Sunday i expected it to be any other day, roommate would drag me to church, i would feel warm, i would come home and go on with life. God had a hidden agenda for me hahahha. It started out the usual. Relief Society was good. Nothing where it touched me really but it was good. In Sunday school someone made a comment about strength in numbers. Using this analogy. Satan and us as saints are playing tug of war. He is selfish and wants the glory for him so he is pulling alone. Because he was with us in the war in heaven, he knows us just as well as Christ and God do. So there is no way we can take him out ourselves. We need Friends, family, church members to help us, to be on our "team".

That comment totally hit home, and i was mearly just warmed up for what was going to happen in sacrament meeting. I haven't taken the sacrament in year or so, because i knew i wasn't worthy. I knew i was doing things in my life that were not condusive to the spirit of Christ. I had decided that i wanted to take it this time, but that i would let the spirit tell me what i should do. As the bread came to me...i realized there was one piece left. Sure i could take it and he would walk up and get more. But i felt very strong that i shouldn't. So i let my roommate have it. The brother that was passing it asked if i wanted one...and i just said no thank you. As tears just started streaming. I knew i wasn't worthy, i knew i wanted to be. And for the VERY first time in my life i felt what it should feel like during partaking of the sacrament. I literly could see Christ himself bleeding for ME, taking upon my pain, hurt, anguish, tears, everything. I literly could see him dieing for me....being nailed to that cross, for ME.

It felt like 30 min of passing of water...honestly there were freakishly girl crys coming from me. Noises i am sure only dogs could hear. I wanted out. I wanted to hide. I felt as i would feel before the feet of my God, and it scared me. As soon as it was over i bolted to the bathroom and just sobbed. I thought i had cried EVERY SINGLE tear out of me. I went and stood by the chapel door waiting for the counselor to finish his testimony so i could go sit down. As i walked in i somehow ended up in a chair close to the pulpit. I noticed this to it was my turn to go. I got up there. And all i remember is baring witness of the atonement. The rest was a blur to me now. All i know is that after church a sweet girl said to me " The spirit was here before you bore witness, but the min you started talking it got a million times stronger."

I have been called sweet, charming, a flirt, friendly, loving, and many other things. But that was the most amazing compliment anyone could give me. I then made a appointment to meet with the bishop. I was scared to death. But i met with him on Tuesday, expecting the worst. I walked in there not taking the sacrament, and feeling like the worst Mormon EVER. I walked out feeling love, peace, understanding, comfort. I walked out with the mutual set goal between God and myself to receive my endowments out in June or July. I walked out with a calling that i am VERY excited about. And the best part....I walked out feeling love for who i am, a BEAUTIFUL daughter of God, a princess.

I would like to thank all my friends who have never lost faith in me. For my family who is always there to support me. I love this church. I love the peace. I love the freedom. I love God and my Savior Jesus Christ.

The end.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

How to touch a girl

1. Put your iPod or other music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the NEXT button to get your answer.
4. Tag friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got this from.

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY: ** pour some sugar on me ** Queen

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY: **Would you go with me ** Josh Turner

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?: **Johnny & June** Heidi Newfeild

4. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?: **Stay With Me ** Josh Gracin

5. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?: **Fishin In The Dark** Emerson Drive

6. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU: **Dem Jeans** Chingy ( ohhhhh snapple!)

7. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?: **Bleeding Love ** Leona Lewis ( NICE!)

8. WHAT IS 2+2?: **Time Of My Life** David Cook

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?: **Fergalicious** Fergie

10. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?: **Sober** Kelly Clarkson ( hahhahha listen to song, not what you think)

11. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?: **Sugar On My Tongue** Trick Daddy

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?: **Beautiful Broken** Ashley Simpson ( VERY nice)

13. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?: **I want candy** Bow Wow Wow

14. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING: **I wanna love you** Akon Snoop Dogg (how stinking cute!)

15. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL: **Dangerous Man** Trace Adkins

16. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST: **Single Ladies** Beyonce (ahahhaha errrrrrrrr)

17. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?: **Chicken Fried** Zac Brown

18. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?: **Somebody like you**Keith Urbanl

20. HOW WILL YOU DIE?: **Beautiful Girls** Sean Kingston ( lol wow)

21. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?: **Make love in this club** Usher (lol hardly!)

22. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?: **Everytime I hear your name** Keith Anderson (hahahah)

23. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?: **Bubbly** Colbie Caillat (pershish)

24. WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?: **Sexy Can I** Ray J

25. WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?: **Firecracker** Josh Turner ( true story!!!!)

26. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?: **Love Song** Sara Bareilles

27. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?: **Crazy In Love** Beyonce ( NO JOKE!!!!!!!!)

28. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?: **Low** Flo-rida (lol!)

29. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?: **How to touch a girl**JoJo ( oh god hell! )

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Draper Temple Open House Jan 2009

As many of you know, my life has been in and out of the church for years now. I never really could stay, but i never really could leave. Off and on i would have these random transforming moments where i felt so close to my heavenly father. So close to the woman he created. So close to where i want to be in my life. And then life would go on, and i would again sin and transgress and id feel lost. But before to long id always be back.

Recently, i was blessed with the chance to get my heart back and closure to my last relationship. I ended things for good on positive terms with Steve. But i wasn't feeling complete yet, i wasn't feeling like everything was "good". It really confused me. And i knew it was pretty much cuz i was living life without my source of true happiness. I was moving, but without a destination. I really had no idea what to do to change this other then the 3 standard things in the church.

Today i was given the chance to attend the open house for the Draper Utah Temple. Many years ago i was sealed to my family in the Chicago temple. So i figured it wouldn't really hit home for me. I had been in the Sealing room before. What i didnt expect was the Celestial room......nor did i expect to remember the peace, happiness, and every other darn emotion i felt YEARS ago. But it happened.

As i entered the Celestial room.....I was SO overcome with peace, understanding, and knowledge of my maker, and his true and faithful love in me. I really thought id feel out of place. That the temple might combust or something cuz of my presence lol. But it didn't (good thing huh?). And i felt different. The only way i can describe that feeling you feel when you have been away from home for so long......that when you enter the just makes sense. Something in me felt complete again. I felt more complete then i have in years.

Many of you will be shocked with the following info.....but i hope you all know i mean it.

I KNOW now....more then ever, that this church IS true. It IS happiness. It is the only saving grace we have in this crazy sometimes depressing world. I love my family sooooooo much, and I'm SO grateful that i get them for forever. I love my friends. I love my roommate. I love my Savior, because without him.....i would be lost. Without him, i wouldn't know true love. I'm so grateful for the plan of happiness, that is SO cut and dry for us. I'm eternally thankful for the process of repentance. I cant even describe how happy i feel knowing that the feeling i felt tonight can be with me EVERY day. That no matter if I'm scared of my bishop (i am) or not. That he is my judge in Israel, and i need to trust him and sustain him. That includes letting him make me whole again. ( is this where i say amen?, is that allowed on blogging?) lol

I'm thankful for my Bestie #1 (Ash that's you) for the countless hours spent listening to me cry and whine and everything else about how i wasn't happy. I'm thankful for her non-judging honest friendship. I'm thankful she is my other half of the brain, my sista from a different mista. I'm thankful for her faith, love, dedication, and understanding she has shown me. You are SO strong girl, i hope you know that. I hope you know what a example you are to me. I loveth you more then i can even express.

Im thankful for my roommate Bek. Man if there is any girl in the world that I'm 100% different from its her. But yet i think of her as my sister. You give me hope hun, you make me feel like life is good. Thanks for ALL you do.

I'm thankful for my Bestie #2 (this is you J) for having faith in me, trusting me, loving me, and listening. You are stronger then you think, hotter then you know, and sweeter then you lead us to believe. lol. I loveth you so much!

I love this church, i love the spirit, i love my Savior, i love my friends, i love my family, i love myself. And THAT in and of itself is truly a maricle!

The End.

P.s. here are some pictures from the temple.




Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Application to Date me

Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, criminal history, driving record, job history, and current health record/medical report from your physician.


Date of Birth: ____________________________________

Height: _____________ Weight: _____________________

IQ: ________ Social Security Number: ________________

Drivers License Number: ___________________________

Home Address: ___________________________________

Do you own a van? _________

A truck with oversized tires? ________

A waterbed? ________

A pick up with a mattress in the back? ______

Do you have an eyebrow, nose ring, or belly button ring? _______

A tattoo on your neck? ________

Do you have a mullet? ________

NOTE: If you answered yes to any of the last 7 questions, discontinue and leave premises.

How many times have you been married? _____________________

How many times have you been divorced? _______________________

Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend or wife? ______________________

When going on a date, who should pay? _________________________________

Have you ever been accused or convicted of stalking? ______________________

If I tell you to drop dead today will you continue to contact me? ______________

Do you know how to cook? __________________

What is your relationship like with your mother? _____________________
(you shouldn’t need ANY more space than that for this answer)

Do you own a dog? _______________

What is your definition of an alcoholic? ____________________________

Do you like kids?___________________

Do you have kids? ____________________

Do you pay child support? _______ How much? ___________

Have you ever been late on your child support payments? ________

How much baggage do you carry?___________

Are you able to fix my car?____________

Do you own a home?____________Have you ever been late on your mortgage?_________

What kind of vehicle do you drive? ___________

Do you have a car payment? __________ How much is it? ____________

Do you know the different between the dinner fork and the salad fork? __________

In 50 words or less what does “LATE” mean to you? ______________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does “STALKING” mean to you?__________________________________________________

In 50 words or less what does “GOING ON A DATE” mean to you?


Your signature indicates that all answers are TRUE. If you are found falsifying answers and/or documents you will be sent hunting with Cheney.

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please DO NOT call or write during the processing time.