Its been two weeks since i first spoke to my bishop. WOW! Does NOT seem like that long! I have learned so much in the last 2 weeks, things that i knew deep in my heart but never really pondered. I am so grateful for this change in my heart and life, it is still not easy and I'm still hurting a bit. However i have learned a few things either through my personal studying or from others, i would like to share them now. First, the Lord does/will answer heart-felt prayers of all kinds. I have a short story demonstrating this.
On New Years Day i was reading in my Miracle of Forgiveness book and he spoke of eternal life. For some reason this had a uncomfortable feeling to me. The more i thought about it the more my stomach got into a knot and i felt so scared. At this point i realized that the basic concept of the church was something that scared me! I knew i had to fix this. For anyone that knows me knows i am quite determined to fix things when i set out to do so. I tried reading scriptures, thoughts and finally i prayed and asked what i could do. As i ended the prayer i felt like i should call and ask my mother. I did so and she kindly informed me i had ALWAYS had this fear. She had me imagine having my own little girl loving her with all my heart as i would. She then asked me "Now would you ever put this little girl through something that was painful, boring, and uneasy for eternity intentionally?" Of course i said no. She then said "Now, take that feeling of love you have for her and magnify it more then you can comprehend. THAT is how much your Heavenly Father loves you Tricia, now would he put you through that either?" It totally made sense. We kept talking and many things started making sense. She reminded me that we to become a God we would have to learn and grow and that was part of what was going to happen in the next life. She reminded me of a few more things and told me to just turn it over to the Lord and ask him to change that feeling for me. I did so and then kept reading. As i started reading.
President Kimball stated many of the things my mother reminded me of. It made me smile and i let go of that thought knowing in time the fear and uneasiness would go away. Well, today i had an "ah ha" moment as i was talking to a Bestie. I have had more peace, contentment, and the feeling of love in the last 2 weeks then i have in years. I now officially CRAVE the feeling i feel at church. I anxiously await Sunday, and when it comes i want to keep it forever! THAT is what eternity will be like....a life long Sunday! SIGN ME UP! WOOO HOOOO! As i kept reading that day i also realized that i had most likely been without the Holy Ghost for 4-6 years, with brief parts where i was getting him back. I remember during this time saying many of times "The Lord knows my heart." At that point i relied so much on the Lord knowing my heart and not letting my actions show to him i was worthy of exaltation. It is not enough for the Lord to know our heart, our actions will also play a major part in which kingdom we are sent to. As i read this in the book i instantly started crying, at that very moment my mighty change happened. I no longer wanted to live in sin because i never know when my time is up on this earth. The scripture about whatsoever is bound on earth is bound in heaven, and whatsoever is loosed on earth will be loosed in heaven ties so nicely into this. If we do not forsake our sins now, no matter how big or small it will be so much harder to learn and grow in the next life. It is so important to put off the natural man!
I am so grateful for Sundays because they are so inspirational. For the past few weeks i have been stressing out over things i cant control. I have forgot to let the Lord have control and just trust him. It has sent me into countless panic attack and crying fits. Today's sacrament meeting was amazing to me, it lifted my spirit and renewed my soul! We had a High Councilmen speak and usually they don't really keep my attention i will admit. But this man was what i would like to call and Mini Jeffery Holland, although they could be the same age lol. He got so passionate about his talk that many times he was VERY forceful sounding. It moved my soul so much! There were some interesting points in his talk that he shared that i would like to share with all of you.
First he encouraged us to do a weekly introspection of our life. Seeing how aligned we were with Gods plan for us. Then he shared a quote by C.S Lewis "The cross comes before the crown and tomorrow is a Monday morning!" I LOVEEEEEEEEEE that quote so much now. What an inspiration that man is! Our high councilmen then continued on in his talk and spoke of his days as a bishop when all the young women would come into his office at one point in tears about not being married. They would say that they will never get married and that they just give up hope. He said he would say to them "You don't have the luxury of giving up hope!" How true this is! And how true it should be! Later near the end of his talk he said two things that were the final things that id like to share. First, "Faith grows as your obedience grows." Finally, "Put off the natural man/woman and become a saint."
I would like to end with sharing my testimony. I know without a doubt in my mind now that this is the true church. I know that if anyone feels out of place or like they don't belong that they can feel they do but it does take lots of work. I am grateful for the plan of salvation and for my Savior Jesus Christ. I'm thankful to my Heavenly Father for giving me the ultimate gift. His son. I love this church more then anything i have loved or will ever love. I believe with my whole heart that the church should be the most important thing in our lives, and by it being so everything else will work out. Until next time, i say this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.