Saturday, March 19, 2011

Can i get a BIG RED EASY BUTTON please?

I know we are sent here to earth to get stronger and become who God wants us to be, but there are times when i just want a get out of jail card, that big red button, or a golden ticket to a chocolate factory where you don't get fat from eating all that darn chocolate!

The last 4 months of change in my life have been exactly that, CHANGE! I feel like a bouncy ball being played with by a 2 year old. First I'm in their mouth, then I'm thrown to the ground to see how high i can bounce. For just one month, i would like something to be normal. Something to just stay smooth. Plzkthanx!

Now, since i have just whined for like 2 mins i guess i should say that it has not been all bad. I have learned a lot about myself and who i want to be. I have learned that sometimes you can do sooooo much and still come out on the bottom. That doesn't mean you failed. It means you tried something, and it just wasn't right. Example? Okay.

I'm a difficult person to live with. I was raised differently and i just react, think, and talk differently. For YEARS i have had people tell me that because of some of these things i wouldn't get married, i wouldn't be happy, and i just wasn't a good friend. This was really starting to bother me. So, i prayed. I asked Heavenly Father to show me things that mattered that i needed to fix. And then i prayed that the things that didn't matter as much i could grow to learn to not let bother me. It amazes me how this man works. He wastes no time. I have learned that i am NOT a trusting and openingly loving person to many. It is hard for me to connect saying i love you to showing it. It has always been that way for me. This is something that was a "work on it" and a "don't worry about it" thing.

It was a work on it thing because i have to learn to connect those two things. It was a don't worry about it thing because it is also something that keeps me from getting hurt to much. I am the most forgiving person in the world to some people and not to others. This could be seen as being a brat, but i see it as a good protection. Sometimes the people i trust turn out to not deserve that trust. Sometimes the people that i don't trust earn that trust and never lose it again no matter what. All in all i have come to one conclusion.

I am doing JUST fine with who i am, where I'm going, and what I'm becoming. I know that i am an AMAZING daughter, friend, granddaughter, sister and so on. I know i have MANY imperfections. I am grateful for them, because they keep me humbled. I know I'm beautiful, talented, and that heart on my sleeve? Yep....its not going ANYWHERE. I guess I'm one of those people that like it there, because id rather be hurt over and over then miss someone that is meant to be part of that heart. Life isn't meant to be full of drama, unhappiness and tears. It is meant to be fun, happy, and full of joy. The only person that chooses what our life is made of is US. NO ONE BUT OURSELVES CHOOSE TO BE UNHAPPY! THE.END!

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