So anyone that knows me know that i wear my heart on my sleeve. This is not only the case for men, but women also. The number of girls that i trust with my secrets i can count on one hand. I do not connect to women fast. So when it happens I'm pretty much all in. That means that when a guy starts causing drama and making the girl sad i want to be there for her. I guess i should just not care so much and try to make sure they know I'm there for them. Because what happens usually is when i see the warning flags from the outside and i inform them, i then become the bad guy. And more times out of not I lose the friend. How this works for some women i don't know. I take to heart anything a girlfriend tells me about a guy. And usually they are right.
I am SOOOOOO done trusting people so easy. This was the last straw. It broke the camels back. I don't have time to invest in someone who wont talk to me about stuff and mend things with a man while removing me from their life. As if that is going to destroy me?. What happens? I usually do the same, and i don't look back anymore.
On happy news lol! I got a job and i love it. My ward changed, and i love it! I moved in with a new/old roommate almost 2 months ago and you guessed it, i LOVE it! Oh and I'm officially addicted to twitter. AND the official twitter page for the Red Sox is following me! WOOOT! Yes I'm THAT excited about this! lol
Life is good. In the midst of trials look for the silver lining. There always is one :)
Monday, May 9, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
My Girlfriend's Boyfriends
So today started with having a rare chance to witness exactly what i want in a marriage. I attended a friends baby shower, and in just a few moments i saw the undeniable love her husband has for her. It inspired me. While at the same time, it caused a spin of emotions today for me. I knew that there was a good chance i was totally PMS'ing so i decided it was early to bed for me. So i feel asleep around 930pm. I was awoke by a text, and from there my mind just went nuts. So in hopes to fall back to sleep i decided to check out netflix. I was scanning thought the instant movies and noticed the name of one that looked familiar. So i started watching it. About half way through i remember thinking "Hey i think my friend Ryan did this movie". Ironically enough......i didn't realize the irony that was about to unfold.
In this movie there were SO many moments that were similar to moments I've spent with Ryan. I wish i could say that this realization was happy, but it was not. It caused a rush of emotions and a long hot bath after to think. As i was drawing the water, i had this thought and put it in my iPhone notes. " There comes a time in life when what you think you want or even need is so important that it changes who you become. Both these men have done this for me. The future is unknown, but what i want is not. So now, the true question is...when the future will give me that." I have spent SO much energy trying to get what i want that i didn't think about what i need. I have spent so much time in the past few months trying to figure out if these boys liked me, that I've ignored what matters.
I know I'm a catch, i know that someday when the Lords time is right i will meet the man that makes me feel all of these amazing things these two man do/have. Gabe proved to me that good guys can care about someone who had been around the block so many time shes the lil dude on the mapquest map. Ryan has reminded me that conversation is the MOST important thing to me in any situation. If the conversation is natural then the relationship whatever it is, will be amazing. It makes me sad that i was so caught up in if he liked me, that i didn't see this till just now.
What do i want? A family, kids, drama, and everything that comes with that. What do i need? To trust God knows i want that and that it will happen on his watch, not mine. Therein lies the trick. I need to be more like a grasshopper, and less like a lion. I need to LET things happen, and stop trying to encourage them to happen. It never seems to work. Good things come to those who wait, better things come to those that endure. Enduring isn't just living with what happens, it is looking at what is happening and improving yourself.
In this movie there were SO many moments that were similar to moments I've spent with Ryan. I wish i could say that this realization was happy, but it was not. It caused a rush of emotions and a long hot bath after to think. As i was drawing the water, i had this thought and put it in my iPhone notes. " There comes a time in life when what you think you want or even need is so important that it changes who you become. Both these men have done this for me. The future is unknown, but what i want is not. So now, the true question is...when the future will give me that." I have spent SO much energy trying to get what i want that i didn't think about what i need. I have spent so much time in the past few months trying to figure out if these boys liked me, that I've ignored what matters.
I know I'm a catch, i know that someday when the Lords time is right i will meet the man that makes me feel all of these amazing things these two man do/have. Gabe proved to me that good guys can care about someone who had been around the block so many time shes the lil dude on the mapquest map. Ryan has reminded me that conversation is the MOST important thing to me in any situation. If the conversation is natural then the relationship whatever it is, will be amazing. It makes me sad that i was so caught up in if he liked me, that i didn't see this till just now.
What do i want? A family, kids, drama, and everything that comes with that. What do i need? To trust God knows i want that and that it will happen on his watch, not mine. Therein lies the trick. I need to be more like a grasshopper, and less like a lion. I need to LET things happen, and stop trying to encourage them to happen. It never seems to work. Good things come to those who wait, better things come to those that endure. Enduring isn't just living with what happens, it is looking at what is happening and improving yourself.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Unanswered Prayers
For years i have vented, complained, and stressed about marriage, love, and relationships. If there is anything that i have learned in the last few months it is that the Lord knows us better than we know us. He loves us more than we love us at times. And he has more faith in us then most of the time we do ourselves.
Recently there have been 2 men in my life that have drastically changed it. Both of them have started in the same way. Boy is sweet. Girl falls for boy. The difference between them is major. The first one i did sooooo much work to make it known i cared, that i didn't allow him to care. I read into things, misread signs, and basically almost ruined something that i didn't know would happen. Friendship. He is the single most important person in my life right now next to God, and my best girlfriend and roomie. He knows me better than i know myself i believe. He respects me, is honest with me, and puts up with ALL of my imperfections. Falling for him so fast taught me MANY things i needed to learn. And in the end i still won. I have him as my Best Friend.
The second man, i can't even put into words what a wonderful person he is. He is everything i have in my Best Friend, but there is that spark. And i know without a doubt he feels it. As many of you know i am a VERY hard girl. What you see is what you get. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm honest, real, and direct. I don't play games, and i don't believe in "gender roles". I figure if i like a guy he should know, and usually he does lol. The trick i must learn is to as my roommate and BeSIStie said "Let him miss you." Because i don't believe in games i have a tendency to do ALL the work. And when the work gets to be to much, i also tend to freak out like a 2 year girl who's brother just tore off her Barbies head. At that point i close up. I get scared, emotional, and lose faith in who i am.
I had this discussion with my Roomie today. I said i somehow had to be able to wear my heart on my sleeve, but keep it from getting broken. Just like a cuff link, its gonna get scratched, and banged up a bit. Call me dumb, but i don't regret that. What i do regret is one single thing. Losing Trust.
When something doesn't go the way i expected, like deciding to not text for 2 days and hearing nothing from a boy. I tend to lose trust in God. Faith in his plan for me. I told my roommate tonight that i wish i just was hard....that i didn't care....that i wasn't sweet and loving. I expressed how if the signs i saw from him of interest weren't real then i sure as heck don't know what is. I was quickly losing trust, and faith in God.
As if he could pre-hear my prayers he answered a question i hadn't even asked. I watched a movie tonight about long distance relationships. I realized how because of my heart on my sleeve i couldn't handle one RIGHT NOW. I realized that just because God is saying "Not right now" to what i want more then anything, doesn't mean hes saying "No". There is a reason for everything in life. The good, bad, happy, sad, drama, and peace. Each emotion has a purpose. Each purpose brings us one step close to our end goal. Eternal Life. So my dear friends.....I am grateful for unanswered prayers all these years. And I'm grateful for the "Not right nows", they teach me to trust more.
Recently there have been 2 men in my life that have drastically changed it. Both of them have started in the same way. Boy is sweet. Girl falls for boy. The difference between them is major. The first one i did sooooo much work to make it known i cared, that i didn't allow him to care. I read into things, misread signs, and basically almost ruined something that i didn't know would happen. Friendship. He is the single most important person in my life right now next to God, and my best girlfriend and roomie. He knows me better than i know myself i believe. He respects me, is honest with me, and puts up with ALL of my imperfections. Falling for him so fast taught me MANY things i needed to learn. And in the end i still won. I have him as my Best Friend.
The second man, i can't even put into words what a wonderful person he is. He is everything i have in my Best Friend, but there is that spark. And i know without a doubt he feels it. As many of you know i am a VERY hard girl. What you see is what you get. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm honest, real, and direct. I don't play games, and i don't believe in "gender roles". I figure if i like a guy he should know, and usually he does lol. The trick i must learn is to as my roommate and BeSIStie said "Let him miss you." Because i don't believe in games i have a tendency to do ALL the work. And when the work gets to be to much, i also tend to freak out like a 2 year girl who's brother just tore off her Barbies head. At that point i close up. I get scared, emotional, and lose faith in who i am.
I had this discussion with my Roomie today. I said i somehow had to be able to wear my heart on my sleeve, but keep it from getting broken. Just like a cuff link, its gonna get scratched, and banged up a bit. Call me dumb, but i don't regret that. What i do regret is one single thing. Losing Trust.
When something doesn't go the way i expected, like deciding to not text for 2 days and hearing nothing from a boy. I tend to lose trust in God. Faith in his plan for me. I told my roommate tonight that i wish i just was hard....that i didn't care....that i wasn't sweet and loving. I expressed how if the signs i saw from him of interest weren't real then i sure as heck don't know what is. I was quickly losing trust, and faith in God.
As if he could pre-hear my prayers he answered a question i hadn't even asked. I watched a movie tonight about long distance relationships. I realized how because of my heart on my sleeve i couldn't handle one RIGHT NOW. I realized that just because God is saying "Not right now" to what i want more then anything, doesn't mean hes saying "No". There is a reason for everything in life. The good, bad, happy, sad, drama, and peace. Each emotion has a purpose. Each purpose brings us one step close to our end goal. Eternal Life. So my dear friends.....I am grateful for unanswered prayers all these years. And I'm grateful for the "Not right nows", they teach me to trust more.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Can i get a BIG RED EASY BUTTON please?
I know we are sent here to earth to get stronger and become who God wants us to be, but there are times when i just want a get out of jail card, that big red button, or a golden ticket to a chocolate factory where you don't get fat from eating all that darn chocolate!
The last 4 months of change in my life have been exactly that, CHANGE! I feel like a bouncy ball being played with by a 2 year old. First I'm in their mouth, then I'm thrown to the ground to see how high i can bounce. For just one month, i would like something to be normal. Something to just stay smooth. Plzkthanx!
Now, since i have just whined for like 2 mins i guess i should say that it has not been all bad. I have learned a lot about myself and who i want to be. I have learned that sometimes you can do sooooo much and still come out on the bottom. That doesn't mean you failed. It means you tried something, and it just wasn't right. Example? Okay.
I'm a difficult person to live with. I was raised differently and i just react, think, and talk differently. For YEARS i have had people tell me that because of some of these things i wouldn't get married, i wouldn't be happy, and i just wasn't a good friend. This was really starting to bother me. So, i prayed. I asked Heavenly Father to show me things that mattered that i needed to fix. And then i prayed that the things that didn't matter as much i could grow to learn to not let bother me. It amazes me how this man works. He wastes no time. I have learned that i am NOT a trusting and openingly loving person to many. It is hard for me to connect saying i love you to showing it. It has always been that way for me. This is something that was a "work on it" and a "don't worry about it" thing.
It was a work on it thing because i have to learn to connect those two things. It was a don't worry about it thing because it is also something that keeps me from getting hurt to much. I am the most forgiving person in the world to some people and not to others. This could be seen as being a brat, but i see it as a good protection. Sometimes the people i trust turn out to not deserve that trust. Sometimes the people that i don't trust earn that trust and never lose it again no matter what. All in all i have come to one conclusion.
I am doing JUST fine with who i am, where I'm going, and what I'm becoming. I know that i am an AMAZING daughter, friend, granddaughter, sister and so on. I know i have MANY imperfections. I am grateful for them, because they keep me humbled. I know I'm beautiful, talented, and that heart on my sleeve? Yep....its not going ANYWHERE. I guess I'm one of those people that like it there, because id rather be hurt over and over then miss someone that is meant to be part of that heart. Life isn't meant to be full of drama, unhappiness and tears. It is meant to be fun, happy, and full of joy. The only person that chooses what our life is made of is US. NO ONE BUT OURSELVES CHOOSE TO BE UNHAPPY! THE.END!
The last 4 months of change in my life have been exactly that, CHANGE! I feel like a bouncy ball being played with by a 2 year old. First I'm in their mouth, then I'm thrown to the ground to see how high i can bounce. For just one month, i would like something to be normal. Something to just stay smooth. Plzkthanx!
Now, since i have just whined for like 2 mins i guess i should say that it has not been all bad. I have learned a lot about myself and who i want to be. I have learned that sometimes you can do sooooo much and still come out on the bottom. That doesn't mean you failed. It means you tried something, and it just wasn't right. Example? Okay.
I'm a difficult person to live with. I was raised differently and i just react, think, and talk differently. For YEARS i have had people tell me that because of some of these things i wouldn't get married, i wouldn't be happy, and i just wasn't a good friend. This was really starting to bother me. So, i prayed. I asked Heavenly Father to show me things that mattered that i needed to fix. And then i prayed that the things that didn't matter as much i could grow to learn to not let bother me. It amazes me how this man works. He wastes no time. I have learned that i am NOT a trusting and openingly loving person to many. It is hard for me to connect saying i love you to showing it. It has always been that way for me. This is something that was a "work on it" and a "don't worry about it" thing.
It was a work on it thing because i have to learn to connect those two things. It was a don't worry about it thing because it is also something that keeps me from getting hurt to much. I am the most forgiving person in the world to some people and not to others. This could be seen as being a brat, but i see it as a good protection. Sometimes the people i trust turn out to not deserve that trust. Sometimes the people that i don't trust earn that trust and never lose it again no matter what. All in all i have come to one conclusion.
I am doing JUST fine with who i am, where I'm going, and what I'm becoming. I know that i am an AMAZING daughter, friend, granddaughter, sister and so on. I know i have MANY imperfections. I am grateful for them, because they keep me humbled. I know I'm beautiful, talented, and that heart on my sleeve? Yep....its not going ANYWHERE. I guess I'm one of those people that like it there, because id rather be hurt over and over then miss someone that is meant to be part of that heart. Life isn't meant to be full of drama, unhappiness and tears. It is meant to be fun, happy, and full of joy. The only person that chooses what our life is made of is US. NO ONE BUT OURSELVES CHOOSE TO BE UNHAPPY! THE.END!
Monday, January 17, 2011
My 3 C's And More.
Confusion. Confidence. Comfort. I swear these words play leading roles in my daily life! Hopefully this blog is something others can relate to. Also i hope those reading all my ramblings actually enjoy them haha.
Anyone that knows me knows 3 things about me. 1. I wear my heart on my sleeve. 2. I will easily give every part of who i am for a man i care about. 3. i have zero confidence in myself sometimes. (more then a year ago for sure! but still....)These three things once again caused some drama in my weekend, and caused me a little pain, that surly isn't going to go away anytime soon I'm sensing. Of which I'm torn between being happy about and sad about.
Within the last month i have seen AMAZING blessings, a transformation of spirit, and a deeper love for the gospel in my life. I am SO thankful for this, and I'm blown away by it also. I could never in this lifetime understand the love our Savior and Heavenly Father have for me. But weekly, if not daily i see and learn more about what love really is by them. I am truly being blessed daily in my life with things that i couldn't even imagine. I am building the strongest relationships with others then i have ever had. I am becoming a woman of God. What a blessing that is, but at the same time the road to becoming that woman is definitely testing my strength and endurance to what is right.
I had the opportunity in the last couple weeks of meeting an AMAZING man. A man that is temple worthy, honest, loving, giving, respectful, funny, caring, hardworking, smart, and attractive on the inside and out. If i were to have met this man a year ago i wouldn't of given him a 2ND look. He would of just been another guy on the street. But, i didn't meet him a year ago. I met him at a time when Heavenly Father saw fit. I have fallen for this man and id be a fool to deny i haven't. In fact, those knowing me probably know where I'm going with this lol. I am a VERY honest, straight forward girl. I say what i feel, what i think, and what i want. I am not afraid of pain. I'm use to it. BUT, the events of this weekend have also taught me something else. I am strong beyond measure. I can feel all of these emotional, physical, spiritual connections to a man and if those feelings arnt returned i have learned i can still be his friend. Not just the friend that hopes for something someday (again those that know me know I'm doing this a tiny bit lol)but a friend who is there to support, love, advice and care for this man for who he is.
During this weekend of a tad bit of drama and pain, i was once again taught how mindful and loving our Heavenly Father is of us. The drama kinda broke late Saturday night, i slept maybe a hour and half. When i woke up to get ready for church i just laid there not wanting to even move, let alone open my eyes. I knew myself well enough to know it was going to be a HARD day. But i got up, got ready and drove to church. I sat in my friends car for a minute to gather myself and say a quick prayer that the pain and uncomfort i was feeling in my tummy would go away. That something would hit me in one of the lessons and that i would feel comforted. As i walked into RS and the lesson started instantly i knew i was meant to be there. I'm sure others took out what they needed. But for me the whole lesson was about the Lords time table vs ours. And about how turning to him for peace and comfort give us the ability to build a stronger relationship with him. During the lesson there were a couple things that stuck out to me that were said. First, " Our willingness to sacrifice shows our dedication to the Lord." Second, there was a comment about "putting on the Lords glasses". After Sunday school i drove back to where i was staying to pick up my friends that were not ready yet. In the process one decided that she was just to wiped out to get up. Thus leaving only the young man of which my crush was on. I was worried about how it would be after all the weirdness. But to my pleasant surprise it wasn't weird at all for me. If anything it gave me the chance to speak with him and make things a lil more normal.
In sacrament meeting there was a talk about Happiness and choosing daily to be happy and be grateful for the small things like catching fireflies. When that latter part was mentioned i instantly started crying! Anyone that is from the Midwest knows what fireflies are, and they are like my FAVORITE bug! Welllllll actually the only bug that DOESNT make me scream lol. Another talk was given and a hiking story was shared by a young lady. She had never hiked before, but had decided to do this night hike with her brothers. One of her brothers had done the hike before. He knew the paths and which way to go. He knew how hard it would be, but he also knew the beautiful lake that was at the end of the hike. The young lady shared a sentence that stuck with me pretty hard. " We don't need to know the whole path, we just need to know a few feet in front of us."
I am so blessed in my life to have the friends i have and the gospel. I will admit there is something that is making it so easy to be good friends with the said young man, wither that is because we are meant to be the best of friends. Or if somewhere down the road things might take a turn in a direction no one can predict. What i do know is that i will be eternally grateful for him, for teaching me SO much about myself that day. And for giving me such a new vision of what love is. Love my friends is not just romance and physical. True love is indestructible, it is real, and it is wholesome. I truly do love this man for all he has done for me, and i can only pray he sees how special he truly is.
Anyone that knows me knows 3 things about me. 1. I wear my heart on my sleeve. 2. I will easily give every part of who i am for a man i care about. 3. i have zero confidence in myself sometimes. (more then a year ago for sure! but still....)These three things once again caused some drama in my weekend, and caused me a little pain, that surly isn't going to go away anytime soon I'm sensing. Of which I'm torn between being happy about and sad about.
Within the last month i have seen AMAZING blessings, a transformation of spirit, and a deeper love for the gospel in my life. I am SO thankful for this, and I'm blown away by it also. I could never in this lifetime understand the love our Savior and Heavenly Father have for me. But weekly, if not daily i see and learn more about what love really is by them. I am truly being blessed daily in my life with things that i couldn't even imagine. I am building the strongest relationships with others then i have ever had. I am becoming a woman of God. What a blessing that is, but at the same time the road to becoming that woman is definitely testing my strength and endurance to what is right.
I had the opportunity in the last couple weeks of meeting an AMAZING man. A man that is temple worthy, honest, loving, giving, respectful, funny, caring, hardworking, smart, and attractive on the inside and out. If i were to have met this man a year ago i wouldn't of given him a 2ND look. He would of just been another guy on the street. But, i didn't meet him a year ago. I met him at a time when Heavenly Father saw fit. I have fallen for this man and id be a fool to deny i haven't. In fact, those knowing me probably know where I'm going with this lol. I am a VERY honest, straight forward girl. I say what i feel, what i think, and what i want. I am not afraid of pain. I'm use to it. BUT, the events of this weekend have also taught me something else. I am strong beyond measure. I can feel all of these emotional, physical, spiritual connections to a man and if those feelings arnt returned i have learned i can still be his friend. Not just the friend that hopes for something someday (again those that know me know I'm doing this a tiny bit lol)but a friend who is there to support, love, advice and care for this man for who he is.
During this weekend of a tad bit of drama and pain, i was once again taught how mindful and loving our Heavenly Father is of us. The drama kinda broke late Saturday night, i slept maybe a hour and half. When i woke up to get ready for church i just laid there not wanting to even move, let alone open my eyes. I knew myself well enough to know it was going to be a HARD day. But i got up, got ready and drove to church. I sat in my friends car for a minute to gather myself and say a quick prayer that the pain and uncomfort i was feeling in my tummy would go away. That something would hit me in one of the lessons and that i would feel comforted. As i walked into RS and the lesson started instantly i knew i was meant to be there. I'm sure others took out what they needed. But for me the whole lesson was about the Lords time table vs ours. And about how turning to him for peace and comfort give us the ability to build a stronger relationship with him. During the lesson there were a couple things that stuck out to me that were said. First, " Our willingness to sacrifice shows our dedication to the Lord." Second, there was a comment about "putting on the Lords glasses". After Sunday school i drove back to where i was staying to pick up my friends that were not ready yet. In the process one decided that she was just to wiped out to get up. Thus leaving only the young man of which my crush was on. I was worried about how it would be after all the weirdness. But to my pleasant surprise it wasn't weird at all for me. If anything it gave me the chance to speak with him and make things a lil more normal.
In sacrament meeting there was a talk about Happiness and choosing daily to be happy and be grateful for the small things like catching fireflies. When that latter part was mentioned i instantly started crying! Anyone that is from the Midwest knows what fireflies are, and they are like my FAVORITE bug! Welllllll actually the only bug that DOESNT make me scream lol. Another talk was given and a hiking story was shared by a young lady. She had never hiked before, but had decided to do this night hike with her brothers. One of her brothers had done the hike before. He knew the paths and which way to go. He knew how hard it would be, but he also knew the beautiful lake that was at the end of the hike. The young lady shared a sentence that stuck with me pretty hard. " We don't need to know the whole path, we just need to know a few feet in front of us."
I am so blessed in my life to have the friends i have and the gospel. I will admit there is something that is making it so easy to be good friends with the said young man, wither that is because we are meant to be the best of friends. Or if somewhere down the road things might take a turn in a direction no one can predict. What i do know is that i will be eternally grateful for him, for teaching me SO much about myself that day. And for giving me such a new vision of what love is. Love my friends is not just romance and physical. True love is indestructible, it is real, and it is wholesome. I truly do love this man for all he has done for me, and i can only pray he sees how special he truly is.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
A Mighty Change INDEED!
Its been two weeks since i first spoke to my bishop. WOW! Does NOT seem like that long! I have learned so much in the last 2 weeks, things that i knew deep in my heart but never really pondered. I am so grateful for this change in my heart and life, it is still not easy and I'm still hurting a bit. However i have learned a few things either through my personal studying or from others, i would like to share them now. First, the Lord does/will answer heart-felt prayers of all kinds. I have a short story demonstrating this.
On New Years Day i was reading in my Miracle of Forgiveness book and he spoke of eternal life. For some reason this had a uncomfortable feeling to me. The more i thought about it the more my stomach got into a knot and i felt so scared. At this point i realized that the basic concept of the church was something that scared me! I knew i had to fix this. For anyone that knows me knows i am quite determined to fix things when i set out to do so. I tried reading scriptures, thoughts and finally i prayed and asked what i could do. As i ended the prayer i felt like i should call and ask my mother. I did so and she kindly informed me i had ALWAYS had this fear. She had me imagine having my own little girl loving her with all my heart as i would. She then asked me "Now would you ever put this little girl through something that was painful, boring, and uneasy for eternity intentionally?" Of course i said no. She then said "Now, take that feeling of love you have for her and magnify it more then you can comprehend. THAT is how much your Heavenly Father loves you Tricia, now would he put you through that either?" It totally made sense. We kept talking and many things started making sense. She reminded me that we to become a God we would have to learn and grow and that was part of what was going to happen in the next life. She reminded me of a few more things and told me to just turn it over to the Lord and ask him to change that feeling for me. I did so and then kept reading. As i started reading.
President Kimball stated many of the things my mother reminded me of. It made me smile and i let go of that thought knowing in time the fear and uneasiness would go away. Well, today i had an "ah ha" moment as i was talking to a Bestie. I have had more peace, contentment, and the feeling of love in the last 2 weeks then i have in years. I now officially CRAVE the feeling i feel at church. I anxiously await Sunday, and when it comes i want to keep it forever! THAT is what eternity will be like....a life long Sunday! SIGN ME UP! WOOO HOOOO! As i kept reading that day i also realized that i had most likely been without the Holy Ghost for 4-6 years, with brief parts where i was getting him back. I remember during this time saying many of times "The Lord knows my heart." At that point i relied so much on the Lord knowing my heart and not letting my actions show to him i was worthy of exaltation. It is not enough for the Lord to know our heart, our actions will also play a major part in which kingdom we are sent to. As i read this in the book i instantly started crying, at that very moment my mighty change happened. I no longer wanted to live in sin because i never know when my time is up on this earth. The scripture about whatsoever is bound on earth is bound in heaven, and whatsoever is loosed on earth will be loosed in heaven ties so nicely into this. If we do not forsake our sins now, no matter how big or small it will be so much harder to learn and grow in the next life. It is so important to put off the natural man!
I am so grateful for Sundays because they are so inspirational. For the past few weeks i have been stressing out over things i cant control. I have forgot to let the Lord have control and just trust him. It has sent me into countless panic attack and crying fits. Today's sacrament meeting was amazing to me, it lifted my spirit and renewed my soul! We had a High Councilmen speak and usually they don't really keep my attention i will admit. But this man was what i would like to call and Mini Jeffery Holland, although they could be the same age lol. He got so passionate about his talk that many times he was VERY forceful sounding. It moved my soul so much! There were some interesting points in his talk that he shared that i would like to share with all of you.
First he encouraged us to do a weekly introspection of our life. Seeing how aligned we were with Gods plan for us. Then he shared a quote by C.S Lewis "The cross comes before the crown and tomorrow is a Monday morning!" I LOVEEEEEEEEEE that quote so much now. What an inspiration that man is! Our high councilmen then continued on in his talk and spoke of his days as a bishop when all the young women would come into his office at one point in tears about not being married. They would say that they will never get married and that they just give up hope. He said he would say to them "You don't have the luxury of giving up hope!" How true this is! And how true it should be! Later near the end of his talk he said two things that were the final things that id like to share. First, "Faith grows as your obedience grows." Finally, "Put off the natural man/woman and become a saint."
I would like to end with sharing my testimony. I know without a doubt in my mind now that this is the true church. I know that if anyone feels out of place or like they don't belong that they can feel they do but it does take lots of work. I am grateful for the plan of salvation and for my Savior Jesus Christ. I'm thankful to my Heavenly Father for giving me the ultimate gift. His son. I love this church more then anything i have loved or will ever love. I believe with my whole heart that the church should be the most important thing in our lives, and by it being so everything else will work out. Until next time, i say this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
On New Years Day i was reading in my Miracle of Forgiveness book and he spoke of eternal life. For some reason this had a uncomfortable feeling to me. The more i thought about it the more my stomach got into a knot and i felt so scared. At this point i realized that the basic concept of the church was something that scared me! I knew i had to fix this. For anyone that knows me knows i am quite determined to fix things when i set out to do so. I tried reading scriptures, thoughts and finally i prayed and asked what i could do. As i ended the prayer i felt like i should call and ask my mother. I did so and she kindly informed me i had ALWAYS had this fear. She had me imagine having my own little girl loving her with all my heart as i would. She then asked me "Now would you ever put this little girl through something that was painful, boring, and uneasy for eternity intentionally?" Of course i said no. She then said "Now, take that feeling of love you have for her and magnify it more then you can comprehend. THAT is how much your Heavenly Father loves you Tricia, now would he put you through that either?" It totally made sense. We kept talking and many things started making sense. She reminded me that we to become a God we would have to learn and grow and that was part of what was going to happen in the next life. She reminded me of a few more things and told me to just turn it over to the Lord and ask him to change that feeling for me. I did so and then kept reading. As i started reading.
President Kimball stated many of the things my mother reminded me of. It made me smile and i let go of that thought knowing in time the fear and uneasiness would go away. Well, today i had an "ah ha" moment as i was talking to a Bestie. I have had more peace, contentment, and the feeling of love in the last 2 weeks then i have in years. I now officially CRAVE the feeling i feel at church. I anxiously await Sunday, and when it comes i want to keep it forever! THAT is what eternity will be like....a life long Sunday! SIGN ME UP! WOOO HOOOO! As i kept reading that day i also realized that i had most likely been without the Holy Ghost for 4-6 years, with brief parts where i was getting him back. I remember during this time saying many of times "The Lord knows my heart." At that point i relied so much on the Lord knowing my heart and not letting my actions show to him i was worthy of exaltation. It is not enough for the Lord to know our heart, our actions will also play a major part in which kingdom we are sent to. As i read this in the book i instantly started crying, at that very moment my mighty change happened. I no longer wanted to live in sin because i never know when my time is up on this earth. The scripture about whatsoever is bound on earth is bound in heaven, and whatsoever is loosed on earth will be loosed in heaven ties so nicely into this. If we do not forsake our sins now, no matter how big or small it will be so much harder to learn and grow in the next life. It is so important to put off the natural man!
I am so grateful for Sundays because they are so inspirational. For the past few weeks i have been stressing out over things i cant control. I have forgot to let the Lord have control and just trust him. It has sent me into countless panic attack and crying fits. Today's sacrament meeting was amazing to me, it lifted my spirit and renewed my soul! We had a High Councilmen speak and usually they don't really keep my attention i will admit. But this man was what i would like to call and Mini Jeffery Holland, although they could be the same age lol. He got so passionate about his talk that many times he was VERY forceful sounding. It moved my soul so much! There were some interesting points in his talk that he shared that i would like to share with all of you.
First he encouraged us to do a weekly introspection of our life. Seeing how aligned we were with Gods plan for us. Then he shared a quote by C.S Lewis "The cross comes before the crown and tomorrow is a Monday morning!" I LOVEEEEEEEEEE that quote so much now. What an inspiration that man is! Our high councilmen then continued on in his talk and spoke of his days as a bishop when all the young women would come into his office at one point in tears about not being married. They would say that they will never get married and that they just give up hope. He said he would say to them "You don't have the luxury of giving up hope!" How true this is! And how true it should be! Later near the end of his talk he said two things that were the final things that id like to share. First, "Faith grows as your obedience grows." Finally, "Put off the natural man/woman and become a saint."
I would like to end with sharing my testimony. I know without a doubt in my mind now that this is the true church. I know that if anyone feels out of place or like they don't belong that they can feel they do but it does take lots of work. I am grateful for the plan of salvation and for my Savior Jesus Christ. I'm thankful to my Heavenly Father for giving me the ultimate gift. His son. I love this church more then anything i have loved or will ever love. I believe with my whole heart that the church should be the most important thing in our lives, and by it being so everything else will work out. Until next time, i say this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
2011?! REALLY?!
I can't believe that is already 2011, when little i use to think by now we would be like the Jetsons. Sad day that i don't have my own personal air car. As i embark on this new year, like any other year i have some goals i would like to set for myself. Not resolutions, that word seems to jinx itself. I am truly grateful for the chance i have to live in this country, to partake of its freedom. Before i share my goals with the world i would like to take a moment to thank the men and women who protect me. Thank you for sacrificing your life, family, and comfort. Thank you to the wives of the men that don't come home. Thank you to the mothers who kneel and pray for comfort when their sons and daughters come home in a box. Thank you for their families that within a second their lives change. Thank you to the families that daily watch the news to hear about their family members who protect me. Most of all please God watch over these men and women. Their lives are far harder then mine is and ever will be.
As i think about where i have been this last year of course there are some tears, discomfort, and a degree of "you knew better"'s. But because of the tears and such I am stronger, smarter, and more dependent on the two people that matters most in my life (sorry friends) my Savior and God. Now i know Ive cried wolf many times when speaking about my dedication and love to the Latter-Day Saint church. But doesn't everyone? In some way we all "cry wolf" whither it is saying " I'm going to pray more " or "I'm going to build a stronger relationship with people that matter." While all those things are truly important I have learned one thing this last week. You can set any goals in life you want. ANY! BUT most of them will never happen unless you have 2 things. A broken heart and contrite spirit.
I have heard "a broken heart and contrite spirit" so many times in life. Sadly, until recently i really haven't cared or took interest in what it meant. Let me share with you some thoughts i have had while looking at what this means. The first thing i saw when researching was basically what that means is we give our lives fully to the Lord. Sounds easy huh? I will be the first to tell you it is the hardest thing to do at first. I couldn't do it for years, until i was kinda in a situation that forced me to rely on God and my Savior. The last thing that i take out of having a broken heart and contrite spirit is service. Those that serve can't help but have a broken heart and contrite spirit. They are doing the one thing that brings us the most joy. Just as the scripture says, when you serve others you serve God. What a novel idea! You become closer to God while you serve his sons & daughters. I now have a testimony of that. One simple act.....and I'm stronger. Mind blowing.
As i end this entry i will share with you 5 goals i have for myself this year. I pray for help to keep these goals.
1. I want to read and ponder my scriptures 2 times a day.
2. I want to build a stronger, more dedicated relationship with my Savior & God.
3. I want to love and service others and be there for my friends and family better.
4. I want to blog about my week every Sunday so that at the end of the year i have a 2011 Journal.
5. I want to be just as that little 14 year old girl that was unshaken with her testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
In ending i have noticed one thing that i have decided to do different with my goals this year. Most years its lose 100 lbs, do amazing in school, blah blah blah. Sure them things are great and truly uplifting. But we are taught if we make God and Jesus first in our lives all other things will fall into place. That is what i am doing. If i gain a stronger testimony of this church this year i know i will gain the blessings i need to have everything else in life just fall into place.
Merry Christmas & Happy 2011 friends and family. May this year bless you in all you stand in need of. May you see how important it is to love others just as i have. Until next time......
As i think about where i have been this last year of course there are some tears, discomfort, and a degree of "you knew better"'s. But because of the tears and such I am stronger, smarter, and more dependent on the two people that matters most in my life (sorry friends) my Savior and God. Now i know Ive cried wolf many times when speaking about my dedication and love to the Latter-Day Saint church. But doesn't everyone? In some way we all "cry wolf" whither it is saying " I'm going to pray more " or "I'm going to build a stronger relationship with people that matter." While all those things are truly important I have learned one thing this last week. You can set any goals in life you want. ANY! BUT most of them will never happen unless you have 2 things. A broken heart and contrite spirit.
I have heard "a broken heart and contrite spirit" so many times in life. Sadly, until recently i really haven't cared or took interest in what it meant. Let me share with you some thoughts i have had while looking at what this means. The first thing i saw when researching was basically what that means is we give our lives fully to the Lord. Sounds easy huh? I will be the first to tell you it is the hardest thing to do at first. I couldn't do it for years, until i was kinda in a situation that forced me to rely on God and my Savior. The last thing that i take out of having a broken heart and contrite spirit is service. Those that serve can't help but have a broken heart and contrite spirit. They are doing the one thing that brings us the most joy. Just as the scripture says, when you serve others you serve God. What a novel idea! You become closer to God while you serve his sons & daughters. I now have a testimony of that. One simple act.....and I'm stronger. Mind blowing.
As i end this entry i will share with you 5 goals i have for myself this year. I pray for help to keep these goals.
1. I want to read and ponder my scriptures 2 times a day.
2. I want to build a stronger, more dedicated relationship with my Savior & God.
3. I want to love and service others and be there for my friends and family better.
4. I want to blog about my week every Sunday so that at the end of the year i have a 2011 Journal.
5. I want to be just as that little 14 year old girl that was unshaken with her testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
In ending i have noticed one thing that i have decided to do different with my goals this year. Most years its lose 100 lbs, do amazing in school, blah blah blah. Sure them things are great and truly uplifting. But we are taught if we make God and Jesus first in our lives all other things will fall into place. That is what i am doing. If i gain a stronger testimony of this church this year i know i will gain the blessings i need to have everything else in life just fall into place.
Merry Christmas & Happy 2011 friends and family. May this year bless you in all you stand in need of. May you see how important it is to love others just as i have. Until next time......
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)